Otter's Sea of thoughts

We orginially came into the hospital to get Scott's leg looked at and fixed. His leg is almost 1/2 the size that it use to be, problem solved or so that we thought.  Now he has diabetes. They put him on a steriod to help with his leg, and now his blood sugar is up, so now he has to have insulin.  And now he possibily may have sleep apnea.  He has to have a doctor's note stating that he can drive a commerical vehicle or he would not be able to go back to work. They won't give him that note until he does the sleep study. We can't do the sleep study. See we live in the truck, if no note, no home. Now we have to figure out what we are going to do; Where are we going to stay, or how are we going to get back to Michigan, or to his sister's in Aurora, IL. Basically we are jobless, homeless; if we don't get this note stating that he can drive a commerical vehicle.

I am so stressed out about this, now I have a constant headache, toothache, and to top it all off I just started my period, the first one I have had in a very long time. I just want to crawl in a hole and hide.

As some of you know, Ogre (Dave) and I worked in a nursing home together. I just found out that my most favorite resident just passed away a couple of days ago. I would always get a big hug and kiss from her when ever I saw her. Her name was Zina, but I always called her Zina Dew. I will always remember her. 

ZINA DEW, I LOVE YOU!!!!!  Put a good word in for me with the man upstairs.





Now can someone please hold me, so I can fall apart. This hasn't been a good week for me at all.

I survived the snow, barely, for some of you; you know this already, for you that don't.  In 1998, I was involved in a car accident, that I shouldn't have walked away from. It happened on US 23 going southbound. I hit a patch of black ice and lost control of the car. the car cartwheeled at least 3 to 4 times, bumper to bumper. To this day I have a hard time driving in snow.

I got to work on time, but not in the best of moods, I was so stressed out that I was on the verge of loosing my stomach, my knuckles were so white; it took forever for the color to come in them. Needless to say I was not happy with my assistant store manager. I was able to leave early tonight, because I wasn't sure how the roads were going to be. The roads were better than this morning.

I have a terrible headache, so I am gonna take some a,c,&c, read some of my book and go to sleep.

Night all.

I called into work, because of the weather and the roads, since I am the one that has to drive the farthest. My store manager called me back and begged me to come in.  I really don't want to go, the car I am driving belongs to my mom, I don't want anything to happen to it, then we be down a car. The car has already been in an accident according to mom by my sister. They fixed it.

So, I am going in by the way, it is an 8 hour shift.  So I might be a little late.   Damn it I just didn't need the money so damn bad.    Now, I feel guilty if I don't go in they will be short one person for closing. But I have to drive almost 50 miles one way.   Damn if you and damn if you don't.

Time to go get ready for work, Daddy and the neighbor, Jesse and his boys, are plowing the drive out, so I can leave. I have to be to work for 2pm and work until 10pm. Will get home around 11pm to 12am depending how the roads are. Off to the shower and to get dressed, la.


{{{{STUMPS FEET}}}  I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WORK, DON'T LIKE DRIVING IN SNOW!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I am. So I need some addresses. I have some already. So if you could email me with yours, I greatly appreciate it. I am also asking for birthdays, anniversaries, children's birthdays if I know them. I like to send cards to people on these special days. If you are on lj I have your birthday if you have posted it.


This is my address: Michaelle {Reid} Linn
                                    6866 Ridge Hwy
                                    Britton, MI 49229

My email addy is ladyotter0@gmail.com

If you have already sent me your address please disregard this.

I was asked to help out me momma, rearrange the hallway closet; which used to be a coat closet that has been turned into a pantry. We are taking inventory of what canned goods that she has in there. There are 7 shelves, 8 if you count the floor. We have so far done 4 1/2 shelves, one of the shelves belongs to me, so I can put some of my groceries away when I get them. So it has been fun, momma could feed an army with that food.


I am gonna do Christmas cards this year, so I am gonna need some addresses of yours, I have gotten a couple by email, and had some already.  I'm thinking of getting my picture taken for Christmas like I did some years ago. In '96 that is what I did, I had  broken up with Bill, I had my hair, makeup done, and then went to Sears to have my pictures taken. My friend Jeff said that he would take my picture.  Now I just have to figure out what I am gonna wear.

I am not sure what to get my parents for Christmas, they might not even be here for it, my sister, Laurie, wants them to fly out to California {Santa Barbara}, for Christmas, but Daddy doesn't like to fly. I want to get something for my sister too, but I haven't seen her in over 7 years.

I have gotten little things for certain people in my life.  I guess that I could always give out  B&N gift cards.  LOL

1. Tell you why I friended you?
2. Associate you with something- fandom, a song, a color, or a photo.
3. Tell you something that I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory that I have about us.
5. I've always wanted to know this about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user icon of yours.
7. In return, you post this in your lj {that is if you have one}

I want to wish trevix a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!   I know that you are twoofdtm mammily but I consider you me other mom too.  Have a great day.

While I was driving home Tuesday in the fog from working at B&N. DON"T USE THE BRIGHTS!!!!!  I gave meself, what I would call like a welding flash. I burned me eyes, while driving with the brights on.  I had a blonde moment.  I took a nap before I had to go to work at B&N, when I woke up me eyes felt better.  So lesson learned.

I want to congratulate Captain on her getting a job.  And Topher, on that order that we talked about, I want it extra thick, creamy, and a little spicy.   LOL


HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL ME PEEPS.  I LOVE YOU ALL, HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON.

Time to set the table for dinner.

Which Tarot Card Are You Most Like? (Major Arcana only not all shown) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as The Lovers The Lovers card is about harmony and most in important love and forgiveness. The Lovers is also about not giving into tempteation and waiting for true love to come your way. It can mean that you had been hurt but have healed yourself and can finally realize love is out there somewhere. You value a good relationship and base it on love not sex. Don't give up on love. The Lovers 95% The World 80% The High Priestess 75% The Fool 70% Justice 70% The Empress and The Emperor 70% The Devil 65% The Magician 60% The Hanged Man 60% Judgement 55% The Hermit 35% Death 25% The Hierophant 25% The Moon 20%

What childrens toy are you? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Doll Doll 100% water pistol 100% Teddy bear 90% Doll house 90% Toy train 90% A toy drum 90% Toy soldier 90% Bubbles 80% Toy bricks 70% Puppet 60%

Had flutterbys in my tummy, I felt like a little kid going to their first day of school. I had my clothes all laid put before I went to bed, got up this morning, got dressed, put the warpaint on, fixed my hair and was out the door at 8ish. Got to work, punched in, and started to refresh my memory on the register and the computer to look up books. I sold two memeberships today. I thought I did pretty good for not being on register since February. I don't know what other days I will be working there, the asst. store mgr. who makes out the schedule will be back until tomorrow, so I will have to wait until he calls me back.

Gods, do my feet hurt, not use to standing on them that long anymore. Have to find some comfy casual shoes to wear.


Me's a very happy happy OTTER. Now may be it will be a smoother road up ahead, for me.

Well, I just got home from my review at B&N, went well, in fact I have a shift to work tomorrow, I will be in the music dept., then I will get some time on the sales floor. There are areas that I have to work on, and that I am getting a raise too. So hopefully I will be able to pick up more shifts.


I am a very HAPPY otter again.



Later all I am off to bed I have to be at work for 9am. I can sooo geeked about this, I am finally going to be WORKING again.

20 yrs ago

I was 18; just graduated from high school in June, m senior class took a trip to Disney for 5 days, my 16 1/2 yr old cousin had committed suicide, had 2 1/2 weeks to pack up my belongings to live back down state before I left for college in Lima, Ohio. Where I studied Auto Diesel Technology. I would come on the weekends with one of my classmates that lived in Jackson. My sister got married in August came home for the weekend.

15 yrs ago

I was 23, I went to my 5 yr high school reunion, I was my first major rode trip by myself. I made pretty good time considering that I was falling asleep at the wheel, so I stop at a rest area and took a power nap. Was working for a temporary agency, was working at Xycom in Saline. Then I was in an accident I was off for a month 'cuz I really hurt my back. Then I started to work at Ann Arbor Machine, where I met Bill; fell in love(or so I thought, it only took me 3 1/2 yrs to figure out that he was an asshole) while living with Bill I worked for Friends Who Care, taking of people in their homes that were housebound. For 3 months I was getting up at 4:30am to do a patient, then when I done went to another patient's house got them ready for the day, then was driving to Westland to do another patient, drove to Ann Arbor to put one patient to bed, then the patient I did at 4:30am, I was now putting him to bed, I would get home around midnight, then it would start all over again.

10 yrs ago

I was 28, I had broken up with Bill in October of '96, moved into an apartment in Ann Arbor, was working to job to afford the apt. I was working at Anna Botsford Bach Home and also Murray's Discount Auto Store. I worked ABBH before and this I was working midnights. I quit the ABBH, I was getting burnt out, while I was working at Murray's; I kinda found a new family. See the was this cute skinny ass white boy (Steve aka Badger) that worked across the street at Victory Lane, well he was an one night stand that lasted 3 months, well at the time he was living with Paula aka Bunni and her zoo. That is when I met my two 'lil brothers, Kurtis aka 1/2 Ogre and Michael aka OX. I went to my 10th high school reunion. In October Bunni and her zoo took me to a sci-fi convention, called Conclave, I was kickin' and a screamin' 'cuz I had to ride in thwe same car with Steve and his new gf, didn't wanta go. But I did, I met a few new people that I now call friends. I met someone from my past that I never thought I would ever see again. I also met my future husband there, Dave aka Ogre. I really didn't want anything to do with him; see he was married at the time to his 2nd wife. I had gotten burnt bad by another married man, wasn't gonna let that happen again. Well someone gave him Bunni's address and phone number,
well he chased me hard, sent me flowers on Sweetest Day, we went to Wiard's for the haunted barn and hayride. He was calling me everyday after his wife left for work.

5 yrs ago

I was 33, Dave and I had been married for about 4 yrs then, we also started working together at the nursing home, and were together 24/7 since July of 1998, amazingly hadn't killed each other yet. By this time we had a couple of cats; Cinnabarr and Shyloh, I think Mokie the dog was still living at the time. We had been going to bonfire which is now called Camp Con, for a couple of years now.

2 yrs ago

I was 36, Was fired from the nursing home, went into severe and deep depression. I lost my will to function, I'd go to the bathroom, drink water, maybe eat every 3 or 4 days. I was able to get unemployment for the full 26 weeks. I tried looking for a job but there was nothing paying the same as the nursing home.

1 yr ago

I was 37, The unemployment ran out in May, we got behind in the car payment on the Aztek, and it got repo, a friend sold us her car that she was no longer using, so we now had a vehicle to get around with, and we had the electric and the gas shut off a couple of times, we were also having problems with our water, Dave and I joined to YMCA, we were taking a gentle water exercise class and were able to take regular shower again. I got a job at the new Barnes and Noble store that opened up in Brighton. We were getting evicted from the trailer so we found an apartment in Wixom. WE were gonna be moving in December. Took Dave to work on November 5th, I had hit a 10 point buck, they total out the car, we were able to buy it back and get it repaired. Went to get the rack for my trophy, but someone took the buck's head off at the shoulders.

This year so far

We had the housewarming party in January, my hours at B&N got cut down to 0, I looked for another job, Dave and I were starting to have problems, I was going back into my depression again, finally found a job in April at JCPenney's in Novi, was let go after a month 'cuz I looked sad and depressed all the time. I didn't tell them that I was having family problems. I started looking for a job a couple days later. On May 14th, Dave asked me for a divorce, I moved out and now living with my parents after being on my own for the last 14 years. My Aunt Ginny took me up the family cabin in Canada, had a good time, lot6s of memories came back from when I was little. I was kidnapped by Paula to go with her to TN, to do a show called the Gathering Of the Gargoyles, which was awesome meet a lot of neat people there, oh and I found a quarter with heads up, and we ended up making more from that show then we thought we would. I turn 38 in July at Camp Con (bonfire), Dave was there with his gf and her kids, Ox rode up with me and back. I am still unemployed, still looking for a job, but there is nothing out there for me. I went to my 20th high school reunion, alot of my classmates didn't recongzied me, one of my old teachers showed up, he didn't know me at all, said that I had really changed, I was way overweight in high school. I have lost approx. about 90 # since hs. I am planning to attend Conclave this year by myself. It would have been my 10th anniversary of meeting Dave, and it my 10th yr of attending conclave.

Yesterday

I have been surfing the net for a job, running errands for mom, trying to find out when dad is gonna work on the Mercedes, so mom can have her car back.

Today

Pretty much the same as yesterday.

Tomorrow

I am going to my cousin's salon and get the fake nails taken off and have a pedicure from her, then I have to be in Brighton by 3pm to go over a review at B&N, then gonna go shopping for a baby shower gift in Wixom or Novi, then come home and do some laundry, then help my dad change the oil in mom's car. and finish packing for con.

Me's a happy otter again, went to see a head doc, and she put me on happy pills, was taking 30mg of Cymbalta, then went up to 60mg of Cymbalta, that is when the side effects started, me balance was way off kilter, felt like I had a hard time swallowing me food, then me got plugged up. I am on a sleeping pill Trazodone 50mg, So I have been sleeping better. Doc put me back to 30mg of Cymbalta, for a few more weeks, to see if the side effects are gone, then we will gradually go back up to 60mg, or try another med.

About 3 weeks ago, I had a friend "pull my plug", well what happened is, I said the final final goodbyes to my marriage and to Dave. When you get married you jump a broom, when you get divorced you step over a sword. That is what I did. It was like getting rebooted or having a new motherboard installed. I had cried my last tears that night and haven't cried since then except for tearjerker movies. I can actually look at pictures of us without getting upset. I no long feel the need to go crawl under my rock anymore. Now if only I could find a job, life would be so much better.


OH!! and I am going to be at conclave this year, this was gonna be Ogre's and mine 10th anniversary of meeting. I can't tell if he is gonna be there or not, this is to be his weekend to work at the nursing home, so who is to say. And I really don't care either I 'm not gonna let it stop me from having some fun. I have some money saved up that I could put towards a night or two for crash space, but not enough for the whole weekend, so if anyone has room for me, I'll gladly take it. Smoking or nonsmoking, floor is okay, too. I have a small air mattress that I can bring with me and blankets too. I have alreadt started to pack me little suit case and me tinkerbell backpack, too.


So now you all can stop worrying about me, I am gonna be okay, I am definitely moving on with my life and no looking back either. Thanks for all of your encouraging words, they did help in ways that you will never know.

-HUGS TO Y'ALL-

MICHAELLE

Well I started taking the Cymbalta last night, woke up this morning felt a little wooze, guess it is just my body adjusting to the meds. Still wooze this afternoon so I laid down for awhile, when I woke up, I felt a little better. I am going to take the meds in the morning to see if that will make a difference.

I was introduced to a new soda pop tonight that my parents brought home with from PA, it diet white birch beer, yummy stuff, I had a diet one, but also got to try a sip of me dad's regular. It taste like ginger beer. It also has MI 10c on it, now we just have to find out where they sell it. Mom said that she paid $2.89 of a 12 pack and there was no deposit for them. Weis Choice is what the name is on the can, they are out Sunbury, PA. There is an Indian in a canoe on the can too, that is on the diet. Only wish I could find some CHEERWINE up here. Thanks to Kell, I got a liking for that one.

Me parental units made it home finally, said that they would be home on Sunday, called be home Monday, called be home Tuesday. I guess that they were having to much fun. I missed them. Mom took pictures of their friends' cottage, it is beautiful.

Now if I can tie down me daddy, I might have me own car in the month or two. The Mercedes need the engine replace and not sure what else. But I will be an owner of a Mercedes Benz diesel. It is a 1980something. I am gonna have to buff out the paint on her, she has been sitting in the driveway for awhile now, she looks a little dull.

Momma is taking H&R Block tax classes, she is not sure if she is gonna work for them again, but she still wanted to take the class regardless what she decides to do.

I went to Community Mental Health yesterday, and was put on CYMBALTA 30 mg for a week and then 60 mg for a week, for the depression, and was also put on TRAZODONE 50mg, to help with the insomnia. I was on Trazodone before and it did help a little. I have to go to Wally world to get it, I will only have to pay a $4 co-pay. But since I had me plug pulled, I feel so much better, but I will take the pills and see if they work out for me too. We are gonna have to keep an eye on me BP, it was high 158/108 with a pulse of 100. I took it later at Pamida and it was 110/87 with a pulse of 111. I weight 246.5#. I am happy with # but I want to get closer to 200 to 220. I am starting to exercise, trying to eat at least twice a day. I went to the hospital to get some blood work done, they got me vein on the first pokey, and took 3 tubes of me blood. So far I haven't bruised up yet. Just a little pink dot were they broke the skin. I am not looking forward to seeing what my results are on me sugar. They are doing a complete workup checking me sugar, me liver, me thyroid, and whatever else. I go back to see the doc in two weeks. She seems nice.

I am amazed on how much better I feel. I feel like I got a new mother board, or something like that, my heart is hurting but in a good way because it is healing. I wish that I had done this long ago, but I wasn't ready until now. I am moving forward, I haven't completely shut the door on me past, I can go back to it if I chose, but not at this moment. Y'all are gonna see some changes in this old gal, and believe me, they are gonna happen for the better. The rock that I was crawling under, is now gonna be a rock garden with lots of PURPLE flowers.

I have accomplished a lot today, my laundry is done and will be put away after this post, I just have the sheets on my bed to wash. Pick up the garbage from the floor, vacuum, pack the clothes for good will. I still have to vacuum down stairs rooms, do a few dishes. Then wait for me parents to get home. I am not PROCRASTINATING anymore. The old me would wait 'til the last minute to do anything, not anymore.

Now, I need to go finish me list of things to do. I want to surprise me mom, she probably thought that me room would never get cleaned. And I need to ask her about hangin' some of me art up. Walls are bare up there.

I have never want to admit this, but I miss my parents. They are in PA, at a diesel confab; it is for people who have taken gas engines out of their vehicles and put a diesel engine back in. My father did this years ago when we still lived in the UP, and we dubbed the truck, CLATTER BUGGY. They go to this almost every year.

The house is too quiet without them around. They should be back either tomorrow or Monday. It is hard to say with those two. I am glad that they have a chance to travel like this, they might not be able to do this forever. They have been talking about going back to Alaska again. It was something that my grandfather (Dad's father) wanted to do before he passed away.

I am hoping when my parent get back that my dad and I can work on the Mercedes. I would like to have my own car, that way if mom need to go somewhere she can just go. I like her car, I know that she wants it back. At least when she does uses it; it has a full tank of gas in it. I do have to give it a bath and vacuum the inside out. It is a nice little car.

My attitude on life has changed, thanks to "pulling the plug" last night. I don't feel like crawling under me rock as much as I wanted to last week. I am in the moving on (forward) process, I am going to take it a day at a time. I am now actually looking forward to what is going to happen next. I am changing for the better. I want this to be a happy time in my life, not sad. Oh I am sure that I will have more of my share of bad days to come, but I will welcome them; roll with the punches.

I don't know if I am going to go to faire this year or not. There are memories there, that are good, but to see old friends and have to explain everything over and over, not ready for that. But most of the people there I will be seeing at con. But then again, I may just go anyways. I am not scared in running into him anymore; oh I was. I just don't feel that way anymore, I am still angry, upset at him. As Markell would say *PFEFF I am getting over him.

Someday I will find someone to replace him in my heart and in my life, until then I am going to have fun. I am not going to go into hiding, or stay home moping around and feeling sorry for myself. I am going to start an exercise regiment and taking better care of myself, making sure that I eat at least twice a day. NO MORE PROCRASTINATING.

Good Morning all,
Sorry if some of you felt a "disturbance" last night, I had a very close friend, "pull the plug", so to speak. I needed a way to get over some of the feelings that I was having towards a few problems that are going on in my life. This is the only way I could safely do it, and I feel so much better. I do have an appointment with some one at a mental health clinic, to see if we can work on the depression part, but at this moment I am feeling pretty damn good.

I am not sure how long this pulling the plug is going to work, but I can always have it tweaked if needed. Now I need to go to the dollar store and get me some candles.

Hopefully we'll be seeing a difference in my mood, so please bare with me. And I am sorry if any of you got "zapped" or anything like that it wasn't intensional, but I needed to do something before it became to late, oh there still maybe a meltdown coming, but not as bad as it was feeling to be. It might be more like a geyser, instead of a tsunami. With me it is always hard to say, but at least the pressure that was building up, has had some release. At the moment, I am feeling very peaceful, let see how long it will last.